Sneak PEEK at Chapter One of Piece of the Glitter:
When I was 23 years old I was working as a telemarketer in Chicago, Illinois. I had my first official apartment in Hide Park, the same neighborhood Mr. Obama owned a home. i had just got laid off from my telemarketing job, and had 3 weeks to figure out how i was going to come up with my rent... i had no savings. so i went on twitter and i reached out to a girl who eventually became my stripper mentor. That's when i realized how to become a desired woman.
When I first started dancing, my friend told me I would learn to become a woman. I laughed at the idea and rolled my eyes. Little did I know, three years later her words would serve as a forewarning. Ever since I became a sex worker (with a concentration in stripping), I have tapped deeper into my womanhood.
I DIDN'T GET A FUCKING BOOK I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK SEX WORK WAS, if it wasn't for my female mentor I would have gotten kidnapped again, raped or killed. Shit maybe all of the above. So i humbled my fucking self bit my fucking tongue and we learned to navigate this crazy ass life together.
A common question many women have is how to GET into stripping. What you see in movies is only half the drama and craziness. There are things you would only know......once you lace up those 6 inch heels. WARNING: If you are a feminist, product free woman, etc either let those notions go. Dancing is all about pleasing.
Confidence/Body Positivist - To get into stripping , you have to be honest with yourself and your body. Take a long look in the mirror. If you don't accept your flaws and embrace the huge boobs you inherited from your dad's mom, then you ARENT ready to have people pay you for it. Point blank period. People are animalistic. They can smell fear from a mile away.
You should get comfortable with being naked. Walk around your house naked to get a feel for it. find a gym THAT WORKS FOR YOU the cheapest, closest,and cleanest would be your best bet. now listen, if you dont like the gym you have 2 options:
⦁ GET A GYM BUDDY
⦁ TAKE ZUMBA/POLE CLASSES
if you do not want to go to the gym, if you do not want to get a gym buddy and if do not want to take pole classes go ahead and stop reading this book go live your sloppy ass lazy ass sad ass life. These are not just tools to become a better stripper (which is type of sex work) but also tools to bag a better nigga.
There is a difference between being confident in yourself and looking a hot ass mess. im not telling anyone to engage in bilemia, I am not telling anyone to engage in anorexia, and I am definitely not recommending anyone to get ass shots or injections cause thats a fucking trap. whether your a female who identify as WHITE or BROWN (middle eastern, black american, afro latino, native american, aboriginal, African) all of these are tools that white supremacy uses to put you the FUCK down! These next few gems I am dropping on you hoes I have learned from various female strippers, drag queen moms and male clientele. this is to help you make money, WHETHER YOU IDENTIFY AS A SEX WORKER OR NOT. Unless you own your own strip-club, unless you like paying for niggas, and unless you come from a high social economic background you have to look the part to get the coins sis. Let me break it down to you if you still dont understand what the hell I am saying:
Beauty/Makeup- Makeup will make or break you when it comes to being judged. Show up to a potential club with a FULL FACE. DO YOUR RESEARCH ON YOUR SKIN TYPE. Cause I am tired of seeing you bitches with the white face on knowing DAMNNNN well that is not your tone. Go to a makeup store like Sephora/Ulta (if your broke). Buy a foundation. They will give you a full face for free. Investing money in a good foundation will benefit you in the long run. Have a makeup artist write down each product used. Price check, to find it cheaper with different brands. in the next chapter ill go more in depth about this.
HYGIENE- Firts things first GET YOUR ASS TESTED. i dont care if your with someone years days weeks or months these niggas out here dirty so google search the nearest free clinic. Getting tested is not just abaout being precieved as "clean" its important because sex work is a slippery slope.
shave or wax EVERYTHING. Even the hair between your ass crack. Remember you are going to be BUTT ass naked. So shave your legs, under arm hair, mustache, chin hair, knuckle hair, feet hair, and pussy hair. Now if you have hair on your arms, keep it. Don't shave or wax arm hair. Believe it or not, some men don't care. Hair holds odor. Odor is DEATH at the club. You will be sweating most of the time. Look at it this way would you want some stanky ass, musty ass bitch in front out you? NO! Neither does your male clientele.
Get use to forking over money for fingernails and feet every 2 weeks. Dance-shoes are normally open toe, so your feet ALWAYS have to be done. Once I had a customer NOT want to get a dance from me. 2 years ago when i was working a Vanity Grand i thought i would be cheap and not get my feet done. one thing about sex work is you cant cut corners when you first start, i walked up to this customer and asked him for a dance, he was drunk with his friends and looked down at my toes. this man preceded to embarrass me in front of his friends about how my toes were not done. His bitch ass gave a dollar and told me to get my feet done. I walked away feeling like shit and angry. But guess what the fuck I did went and got my nails and feet done. Never again was i going to give a man the ammunition to clown me.
Hair- OK this is also very important. Now there are wigs, lacefronts, clip-in a etc that you can choose from. Try to make your hair look REAL as possible. Men hate fake hair as it is. Just don't make it look obvious. Wear colors that look natural. Now if you want to get funky with your weave, it does depend on your skin color. For darker toned Black women, I would recommend light browns and dark purples. Stay the hell away from BRIGHT COLORED weave. For lighter skinned Black women I would recommend dark reds, black hair, and blondes. For brown skinned Black women, pretty much any color works except red or yellow. Be versatile but not messy with it. To be honest you can wear what ever hair you want just make sure you beat that face sis.
Now that you have the basics, now comes the interview process. Go to the club as a customer first. Make sure you look a MILLION bucks. No sweatpants and a tshirt. A nightclub outfit is better. Make sure it shows off your curves and all. Look at what the dancers wear, check the clientele, and tip EVERYONE. This will matter later. Before you leave ask the manager if they are hiring. NEVER ask other dancers, the DJ, or the bartenders. The managers at most clubs like their ego stroked. Male or female. They will give you an audition, and BAM either you are welcome into the exclusive world of dancing, or you just go back to being a customer.
Like most things, I never really began escorting; it just fell in my lap. From the moment I began stripping and meeting other womxn who did as well (among various other types of sex work), my worldview expanded at breakneck speed. I hung around porn actresses, webcam models, nude figure models, and womxn who did sugaring--learning about all these trades and their pitfalls and their benefits. I found out about SeekingArrangements.com (known in the industry as SA) circa 2012. This website facilitates people who are interested in arrangements--specific types of dates and interactions where each party agrees upon the nature and quality of date and rate of compensation. This can run the gamut of being a date in exchange for all expenses paid travel, accommodation, meals and activities (such as skiing, spa days, etc). It could be a common fantasy known as the "girlfriend experience," which is more tailored to casual and romantic treatment--and the emotional labor incurred. That's essentially what escorting/sugaring is: pinpointing a client's specific fantasy/interest and executing it to the T.
I decided to fully commit myself to sugaring because of the financial benefits. I began when I was an undergraduate as a way to offset my expenses, and an option to working around my ridiculous schedule at Drexel University. It also was a bit of escapism on my part. I knew the world was bigger and more interesting than anything happening on campus and I figured, if these same men are going to hit on me and being obnoxious at any bar or club I go to, might as well reap some sort of reward off it. Fuck paying for a bar tab, pay ME for my emotional and physical labor interacting with you. I don't think there's any shame in admitting that my attention and affection can be bought--that goes triple for white men. I never really had an issue interacting with any of my clients, regardless of race or socioeconomic status but I know that at one point I was like wow, I really do just get paid to be cute and fuck older men. The only mental prep that really came to me was about the infidelities--the overwhelming majority of my clients were married and it made me upset to consider that I was helping these men hide something from their wives but then again, I realized it was not my problem--I didn't beg any of them to contact me and I didn't force them to be apart of the arrangements. It's also important to note that arrangements conducted with a sugar baby are NOT affairs. While legitimate romantic and emotional responses can develop from an arrangement, it's unlikely. The fondness a sugar baby has for their sugar daddy/mama is solely based on the ease of conducting their business with the sugar daddy/mama, how generous they are, and whether or not the arrangement feels worth the effort exuded by the sugar baby--we are not trying to ruin anyone's marriage; we're in it for the dividends, trust and believe. Once I was confident and trusted this fact, sugaring became a lot easier.
Clientele ranges but you have more control over who you see as an escort/sugar baby, because it's as much about your interests and who you feel you can best serve (and how or how often) as it is about getting your duckets. Safety is also a huge factor. As a general rule of thumb, I always alert a fellow friend or sexworker to where and when my dates are happening and how long they're expected to last and how to contact me to check in and make sure I'm ok--especially meetings for the first time. With most business being conducted online, there is both a benefit and huge detriment to corresponding with potential clients with a paper trail. I generally will schedule to meet someone through SA and then get a contact number for them (though they always receive me GoogleVoice number in return; you NEVER give someone your real number if you can help it. Makes it that much easier to block or ignore them later on if need be). I try not to discuss the explicit terms on SA. Other than saying we're agreeing on "x-payment for my time" or "my companionship", that's the extent because any discussion of exchanging money for sex is illegal and having written statements can obviously lead to some complications if you're not careful. I also never accept emails regarding sugaring or escort work to my modeling email address--any sent have been rejected. Its impossible to prevent but you have to have these boundaries between your types of professions; it also cuts down on the amount of time wasters--if you cant follow my directions, you're a liability waiting to happen and I don't have time to entertain your stupidity.
I've taken sugar daddies to a number of high end restaurants around Philadelphia, New York City and New Jersey. Consider the context. These men have money and are essentially asking my permission to spend it on me if I like them enough to want to endure their company. They need to make a big impression if they'll expect to see me again so I never feel bad for asking to link somewhere like Del Frisco's, Talulah's Garden, Parc, the Saloon, etc. for dinner in Philly (which is always my starting point, even if the client doesn’t live in the city—you should never travel more than a half a distance to meet them for the first time unless they are paying for your travel). If it's merely a lunch time meeting, somewhere like Estia, the Continental, or Lolita—basically, places that are casual but have an air of discretion. You don’t want to go somewhere that won’t allow a conversation to be overheard or too difficult to conduct.
I know my sugar daddies/mamas (because womxn in power also enjoy the convenience of discreet companions who can appreciate their busy schedules too!!) enjoy my company because I’m a very nurturing sugar baby. I’m considerate and respectful, I understand their desires even when they aren’t strong at communicating. I listen to them and learn how they expect me to act around them. Because of my educational background and wealth of knowledge, I also am able to hold more serious conversations than a lot of younger escorts so I appeal too to a different variety of people across a multitude of age groups.
I think society considers sugar dating taboo simply because those in the most positions of power (read: men), do not want to admit that women are powerful. They do not want sex weaponized against them. They do not want to pay—and well, at that—for interactions they feel entitled to. Sex workers are shutting that down left and right and it’s frustrating. So instead of making the sex industry a legitimized, legalized and therefore regulated industry, politicians scheme on ways to further marginalize us to feel like they still have control over lives of individuals they could never otherwise.
It’s not hard to maintain legitimate romantic partners while escorting. I’ve had plenty of partners be extremely supportive and not fetishize the work I do but because my schedule can be unpredictable because of it all, I know that this lifestyle requires complete transparency and communication. But I’m also non-monogamous so it’s not as much of a difficulty to do that for me and my current primary partner.
The biggest misconception people have about escorting/sugaring is that it’s morally wrong to get paid money to date people. Think about the shittiest boyfriends/girlfriends/fiancés/spouses/etc that you’ve had in life. Maybe you wouldn’t be together to this day regardless but think about how much better your relationship would have been had you had a financial element where they didn’t mind paying you directly for your time spent with them. It wouldn’t make it better but it would’ve helped. Then too, the idea that there should be a stigma placed on people who do engage in paying sex workers, specifically sugar babies/escorts for their time—that something is wrong with you because you “have to pay for it.” You knew you wanted some Yeezy’s and you bought them. You knew you wanted a new Michael Kors bag and you bought that. There’s nothing wrong with knowing what you want and paying for it in literally any other context so why do we try to bring morality and shame into sex—when everyone wants to have it and it’s not as accessible to some in any other way without sex workers?
Sex work isn’t a career choice for everyone, but it would be a better choice to make for some if we spent more time aiding workers than furthering the divide to silence, harm and underpay them.
When I was in college, I listened to an artist by the name of Abel Tesfaye. You all know him as The Weeknd. His sound, his tracks, and his mystery influenced me. It molded me, and it told the story of the life I eventually ended up living on the fringes of.
House of Balloons was a mix tape that dropped March of 2011. I was two months shy of graduating high school. Fast forward a year later and I found myself sitting in my dorm room packing my bags. I had the mixtape on repeat and my depression was at an all time high. I dropped out of college New Years Eve and moved to New York City.
Sex work can be depressing, smothering, and tragic. We at FreakJawn Inc wanted to capture this energy and feeling by doing a shoot paying homage to the mixtape which covers a man's sadistic addiction to sex workers and drugs. Most of album he engages with strippers and prostitutes. Both of which I have been.
Being a stripper for four years was smothering. I was surrounded by different energies, different stories, and men from all walks of life. I didn't know who I was outside of sex work. It was my full time job. Being a GOOD stripper is a combination of being a n actress and a psychiatrist. You have to pretend to be a man's fantasy and also LISTEN to his sad tragic life. People don't realize sex work (being a stripper) is physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting. I would come home and feel so tired because nobody showed me or even told me the type of work I was doing takes a certain mind.
The depression that come with sex work is from the burnout. You have to take breaks to HEAL your mental, spiritual, and emotional health. You have to always remember who YOU are and not let the money (customers with money) make you, mold you, and change you. This is one of the biggest reasons WHY strippers should be 21 and over. I do not think young girls are prepared to deal with these types of energies.
So as a sex worker I have gotten naked for over three thousand men in my life in the past four years. Never on social media. Shit never in front of camera before. A few months ago, when I moved back to Philadelphia, I was inspired by this female Niki Thais who lives in Miami. She did a series on Instagram called #nudeinamerica
I was so intrigued and inspired. I had never seen a female do a nude shoot so eloquently but still be badass. I wanted to re create this but didn't know how to achieve such greatness. Her and the shoot concept stayed in the back of my mind.
Last of all this sex worker IG page called @rachellenaesterline truly inspired me when she posed the question of when did you feel comfortable in your own skin? I realized doing sex work made me feel comfortable in my own skin. It made me love my body, it made me deal with my insecurities, and it made me a STRONGER female.
So with the help of Karli Evans, an amazing photographer from Miami, we decided to re create Niki improv shoot. I believe in everything you put your name to should have a message and a reason. I can't stand being on social media and seeing pointless images or shoots.
I think sex workers and regular 9-5 women can learn to LOVE our bodies and to respect intersectional feminism. I really wish females would stop bashing White and Brown women for wanting to show our bodies and curves. One of the most criticized females who shows off her body is Kim Kardashian. As much as you may have your own personal reason not to like her, i respect what she has done when it comes to body image. Kim Kardashian paved the way for women to feel more comfortable to show their bodies nude i public forums.
Learn to respect other women and their body decisions. Stop bashing other women for loving themselves enough to be confident. Learn to take a page from stronger women. Each woman whether you are Kim Kardashian nude selfie or Beyonce nude maternity shoot deserves to be respected. Women have to learn to UPLIFT instead of tear down.
With this nude shoot, I hope to inspire. I hope to inspire other females whether you identify as a sex worker like me or you have a 9-5 job or you do a combination of both to love who you are and to take an honest look in the mirror. Its a stripper, it is a freak, this is a lifestyle.
One of my biggest idols are drag queens. I love the androgynous nature of the performances. I love the big wigs, big jewelry, and BIGGER personalities. Drag queens embodies the FREAKJAWN movement and culture
A part of sex work that we often overlook is the mental, physical, and emotional aspects of entertainment. Drag queens, strippers, and various sex workers all make money off their looks. It is not being "superficial" it is survival for us.
Mentally we have to BE SASHA fierce. I love the Broadway like aspect of drag culture which incorporates REAL drama. In the stripper world, we have to BE ALPHA fierce.
Physically who does not love a beautiful woman or drag queen? I do not think it is "gay" for straight men to be semi attracted to a drag queen. We all smoke and mirrors.
I think the biggest hurdle FREAKJAWNS (drag queens, strippers, various other sex workers) can face emotionally is dissociative identity disorder. This really can happen from the various energies that we have to deal with on a physical, mental, and emotional level. Sex workers can really got in tune with the idea of "energy" or various personalities when we have "sex" for money or gifts.
This is why experiences such as Wigwood or Counter Corner are so important to keep this culture live and to help with the constant struggle of energies. When you can create safe spaces, the vibe, the love and the coordination of lesbian, bi, gay, trans, queer community really can uplift and inspire
1) Every stripper makes 1,000 dollars a night
Let me be the first to tell you the last time I made $1000 a night just shaking my ass….was NEVER!!! Two years ago when I use to dance at KOD, the most I ever made in one night was $850. Now I'm not saying you can't make 1,000 dollars in one shift. That is possible. I have seen some women walk out with trash bags. Making 1,000 dollars consistently every single night just stripping in 2017 isn't true. Most dancers make between 200-800 dollars a night just dancing if they aren't famous. That is still good money compared to a regular job
2)Stripping isn't a real job
Whoever tells you being an exotic dancer isn't a job has never climbed a pole before. They probably haven't done a 30 minute back room either. *eye roll*
Exotic dancing is a job. We make schedules, we put in sweat and tears, and work a minimum of eight hours. If that isn't isn't a job, I don't know what is. Now granted our job is different than most, but we pay to come in and entertain others. Respect the hustle
3) Strippers are sub human and you can treat us however you like, and talk to us any kind of way
Every single day, I brace myself for what could potentially come out customers’ mouths to me. Strippers are human. We are someone's mother, sister, daughter, girlfriend, etc and that deserves respect. I have had people make fun of where I'm from, how I choose to wear, and my basic appearance. I have had people slap my ads without asking, lick me, and bash me for what I do.
Remember….you decided to come to an exotic dancer's job. We didn't force you to come. The same way you want respect at work, treat us with the same. Don't be rude, treat us as queens, and understand words can be hurtful. We are not superhuman and void of emotion.
4)Strippers are sluts, whores, and home wreckers
Exotic dancers are sexual beings JUST LIKE EVERYONE else. Recently I was confronted and accused of being a prostitute. Just because you know I strip, doesn't give you the right to bash me as a woman who dances naked. Who exotic dancers choose to have sex with is nobody's business. Calling a stripper a slut shows how little you value
yourself and sex. People who call dancers names are afraid. You are afraid of the POWER we have. The power to be free, the power to make money off our bodies, and the power to be a beautiful woman. Stop self projecting your own insecurities on us.
As far as home wreckers, exotic dancers don't seek married men or taken men. They are grown and make the decision to come to see us. They beg, harrass, and try to solicit us. Stop blaming women for a man's lack of self control. That isn't fair nor right.